Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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