Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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