Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
