bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
