I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
