nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
