If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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