she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
