I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
