Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
