i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm determined to sit on that face.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
