Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I love black thongs
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That accounts for only three of the penises
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
