What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
