I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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