i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
