There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
