Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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