I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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