honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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