Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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