Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
