Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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