Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
