drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
