So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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