If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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