This is not my ceiling
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
