i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
