So drunk its hurt
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
