I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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