I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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