the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
