I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
