Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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