he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
