i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
