her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
