Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
