i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
