are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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