So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
