A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
