I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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