Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
