im having a threesome with these popsicles
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
