Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Even my vagina gasped.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
