she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
