Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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