i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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