yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We named our party play list daddy issues
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
